My dad dies a long time ago and before that he left one morning when I was 7 and never came back. Many might think that means I have forgotten him, my dad, Augustine, but my birthday month is coming up and he is very present in my heart, soul. Some would say, he walked away and when my mom and I moved to Argentina he didn’t fight to keep me here. That is true, factually true. However, none of this takes away from the fact that he is my dad and I love him. I remember certain gifts he gave me before mom and I left, when I would go visit with him weekends, like a t-shirt with ice cream cones on it, a small knitted black handbag. The fourth of July we watched the fireworks, he had me on his shoulders as we watched the show. I guess I mourn not so much his passing as the time we lost apart, that I wasn’t there his last moments to tell him I loved him. The other thing that haunts my heart is that I don’t know if he had Christ in his heart when he passed and I can only hope he did.
He wasn’t perfect and neither was my mom, and there is baggage with both relationships, even if they have both passed on now. At the end of the day the journey of life, including being their daughter made me who I am. Whatever mistakes they made in life and as parents, doesn’t change the fact that they are my mom and dad and I will always love them. There are some things parents might do that you say, well there’s no way to forgive that, how can someone forgive that. Remember, forgiving isn’t for them, not about them. Forgiving, coming to terms with the past, even if there are no huge grievances, and even if there are is for one’s self. It’s to be able to move forward to a happy and healthy life. Again, were thy perfect? No, but then again, heck neither am I. Even though they are not here physically and were not perfect people or parents, they were part of the journey that made me the blogger, coach, artist I am today and I am grateful. I hope they have both found peace, as for me, I am well on the road to that, via my faith and a great support system.