I still remember what a dynamo my mom was, what a formidable strong lady she was in every way.  Now, seeing her frail, not remembering what day it is, confusing day and night at times, her recent fall in the kitchen because her legs gave way from under her, it’s odd, and it’s sad.  A few days ago she was in the ER, and since I wasn’t feeling well, a family member took her across the street and she was admitted.  She called me the next morning and she sounded so frail, so breakable, it was tough to process that.  Then yesterday the nurse called and said that we would need to discuss option for when she was discharged. Options, well that word seemed heavy when I heard it.  What do I do next? 

Well, I could be selfish and say I want her home, not really care about what is best for her.  The other option is remember how she used to be and let her go.  If she has to be placed in a facility where she will be cared for, well I have to love her enough to let go.  Yes, she is alive, but she is not the strong, formidable woman she once was.  There is the issue of my own health issues that were made worse with the fall I had last year in December.  With that and her condition, I can’t be selfish, hold on to her for the sake of holding on to her.  It’s a very odd feeling when someone is alive, yet they are no longer with you because they are not the same person they were.  When that happens you have to love them enough to be willing to let go for their own sake and best interest.  Not an easy thing, but we always have the choice in life to be selfish or selfless.  I need to choose to be selfless.